Subtle DEPTHS of IDIOCY in new Gwyneth Paltrow GOOP Ad
January 6, 2020
They think they're doing something clever and, well, deep, but it's grotesque and...I wonder if they have the vaginal feel of it on purpose. Probably. It truly looks like she's hanging around, in a pink housedress, within a giant vagina ....Gwyneth keeps trying to get into vaginas... She was all about steaming vaginas for awhile, and selling pointless little balls to insert in vaginas and she sells special hyper-expensive dildos and so on. Come out of the closet, Gwyneth. (By the way does the "lab" in the ad intentionally resonate with labia or not?) Today we also learn that Gwyneth's Goop catalog now offers a Candle Called 'This Smells Like My Vagina'. Normalizing discussion of women's vaginas is a good thing, I'm all for it. But she's gone batshit with the vagina thing.
As to the Goop Lab ad copy, Reach New Depths--are they unaware that phrase suggests the phrase "new lows"? In this case it would mean achieving new levels of stupidity. Not the kind of depths they're hoping it'll suggest; they seem to be trying, with excruciating awkwardness, to combine the notion of "a deep idea" with the idea of being deep in a vagina. Or are they being self mocking, self deprecating, as a strategy? No need to go to that effort, Goop, we'll mock and deprecate you for free.
"But they were smart enough to get your attention, and even get you to share the ad, Kenneth Volgarus", you say. Oh yes, but here it's displayed in a negative context. Mockery of an ad doesn't sell products. And I mock this. Oh, yes, how I mock it. Gwyneth deserves it. When she was into steaming vaginas--quickly condemned by health experts--she said, "You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release -- not just a steam douche -- that balances female hormone levels. If you're in L.A., you have to do it."
Professor Tim Caulfield, author of Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?: When Celebrity Culture and Science Clash, tells us, as per CBS News: "She seems to be accelerating down kook highway. Like so many people she's susceptible to this pseudoscience that's permeating our society right now. I think part of it is people are becoming more disconnected from science, which is ironic because science has never been a bigger part of lives."
About The Author
Kenneth Volgarus lives in a Rocky Mountain chateau comforted by his secretaries, his pit bulls, his security cameras, his digital security staff, and warmed by his ever-glowing hatred of the characteristic imbecility of 21st century America.
A former astronaut, though no one knew it but him, he has labored in the fields of improbability and the Refined Expression of Revulsion for forty years. A well known author under his real name, he is also an entrepreneur in the field of radically increasing the fertility of rabbits, field mice and house flies.