Our STUPID ENSLAVEMENT Leads to Inevitable and Justified Humiliation

"At a Broadway performance...I was told to place my smartphone in a Yondr pouch, a soft contraption that resembles a beer koozie. It remained hostage in my bag until after the event, when attendees lined up to have them set free by an usher carrying a special unlocking tool resembling a kitchen gadget."

More and more people are being forced to give up their cell phones at shows--concerts, plays, and other events--and sadly enough, it is not stupid to ask people to do that. It's happening because vast numbers of mindless knuckleheads do not turn off their cell phones when they should; they let the damned things ring, they irritatingly check their little brain toys and generally disrupt an event with them.

No, the fact that it is necessary shows exactly how stupid we as a culture are with respect to our phones. It is a symptom of our mindless, idiotic enslavement to instant gratification in the form of technology. What's stupid is, we cannot control our addiction to this technology. Cellphones and other forms of twitchy kneejerk instant media are here to stay. So why can't we just turn them the hell off at a show or, say, in church, instead of having to have them confiscated.

Are we dull witted little children, that we have to have our phones confiscated? Apparently we are. We're not grown ups with our technology.

Cell phones in schoolrooms are widely tolerated--and it's ruining the learning environment. So it starts there. Tolerate the distraction of phones in a classroom, we're sending a message that it's acceptable to think of them as part of us. We are cell phone zombies, mindless drooling idiots--there are thousands of injuries every year from people walking around mindlessly gaping into their cell phones on city streets. THere are even worse injuries, even deaths, from drivers gawking at their cellphones while driving a big metal machine rapidly down the street.

Now we--like toddlers in adult form, who cannot be trusted not to eat wads of candy from a bag--have to have techno sweeties confiscated from us at shows. It is something we deserve because we are willingly surrendering to our mindless use of cell phones.

Cell phones are useful. But only for reasonably bright people. We need to show we're reasonably bright by knowing when to turn the damned things off.